Introduction
This piece is written by someone who I met a few years ago. In only knowing her a few years she has encouraged me and grown so much herself. She is a 21 year old woman who has struggled with her mental wellness, and from reading her story I learned more about myself and hope you do as well.
Her Story
Mental health was a taboo topic in my house. When I consulted my parents that I was feeling anxious and stressed out I was asked to try meditation, go for jogs, start yoga lessons, but none of these things seemed appropriate for me. During grade 12, when I witnessed all my friends getting into their desired university programs, I was worried I was going to be left behind. I had nights of complete mental breakdowns, lost my appetite and a lot of weight, all very unintentionally. That time I was unaware of what sort of conundrum was keeping me up all night. I tried yoga; I left it after the second day. I called the teenage helpline once. I was sobbing on the phone, and I could barely talk to them, but they told me to wait for 3 months until I can receive professional help. I assumed the reason behind this was not being accepted to a program of my choice. I was a very bright student. I had a 90+ average in all my courses except functions. I blamed myself for not being an all rounder. I know it sounds like a “not good enough” reason to be mentally ill because why should one grade give you so much trouble, but I had so much pressure as the oldest sibling in my family to always be great at everything. And I personally do not think mental illness needs a reason.
It happens without you knowing it. And once you realize, it is usually extremely late. Anyway, I felt like it was my responsibility to be a good role model and to do everything in my hands to make my parents proud. I worked so hard all four years of high school, so my parents did not have to worry about my future. I cut my friends out of my life to study, I barely socialized. I told myself once I am out of high school my life would be better and easier. I finally brought up my functions grade from a 57 to a 74 and on the very last day of universities accepting students, I got accepted into Nursing. I thought to myself, I did it. Only to realize a month later that I am doing terribly.
I get influenced by people around my life very easily. So, when I saw my friends working, studying, and having a social life I was frustrated. I studied for over 14 hours a day and yet I received the same grade as someone who had studied for 3 hours and worked all night. I thought to myself that something was wrong with my brain, how can it take so long to retain information when people my age are doing it in 3 hours. I tortured myself more. I always refused outings with my friends. I just studied. I forgot to eat and the whole cycle of losing my appetite and weight begun again. I cried myself to sleep and I slept for 10+ hours.
Now, I did not want to attend lectures. I just liked to sleep. My parents became overly concerned, and they realized that yoga is not going to help me. They asked me to seek professional help, so I went to my faculty’s therapist. She asked me to take group CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) classes. I went to therapy once a week, every Thursday, where I shared my journey and heard others.’ They told me that there is something called a core belief. Something that has unconsciously made me believe that I need to be the best. And that the pressure of being the best is what is making me feel stressed out. It was related to only receiving compliments and attention from my family when I received a perfect score and always hearing my parents talk about how my cousin always receives the first position in class and how they were so proud of him.
It did not affect me much back then, but it stuck with me forever, and the feelings exploded out of me all at once. I constantly blamed myself for not being good enough. CBT helped me a ton with getting in touch with these core beliefs and I was taught to reverse the negative thoughts that kept me up to positive thoughts. I also realized from CBT that shutting out on the world is the worst thing you can do to yourself. Once I started spending more time with my friends, being out in the sun, and even eating dinner with my family, I realized there is so much more to this world than what is keeping you occupied in your mind. I learned to open my mind. Grades still affect me a little, however, I know in long-term having good mental health will be more beneficial more me.
V.M.
A Life Lesson
I too feel like I heavily relate to our author's personal experience. I used to believe that I had to be the best, and only then would my parents be proud of me. I spent a lot of my life trying to make my parents proud. But what I would forget probably just like the author is they already are. You parents are proud of you. They might not be able to express it in words, but do not run yourself down for those words. Many parents show they love you and are proud of you in their actions. My Dad shows it by making me breakfast, or taking me to Tim Hortons after some accomplishment or just because. My mom shows it by telling her sisters or always answering the phone even when she is in a meeting. People may not be able to express that they are proud of you or that they love you in words, but them not saying compliments does not mean they are not proud of how special you are. Don’t let other people's silence stop your greatness or have you overworking yourself.
Other people do not define who you are, or your worth
Until next time, may you learn that you are worthy, people are proud of you, and it is possible to Love It All.
Tia Van Der Gulik
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