Feeding the fear only gives it power.
As many if not all of you know, in November I competed for Miss Canada Globe 2023. It was a once-in-a-lifetime experience that I am so glad to have experienced. This was something new to me, I am not someone who wants to be the center of attention, and I often am worried about what other people will think of me.
This is what I wanted to share, the things I tried to do to overcome the anxiety of trying something new, overcoming the fear of being judged and the worry about being the center of attention. And how overall embracing myself and my journey helped me reach the crown.
Trying something new
Trying new things can be scary. But without trying you could never learn anything new.
We all start somewhere and need to work on a skill to get good at it. I started taking dancing classes at 20, it was very challenging, but I am a whole lot better at dancing now. If you want to try something or experience something there is no time like the present. Sign up or book it, and create a plan on how you can achieve this.
As someone who taught swimming lessons for six years, I always admired the adults and teens who are taking lessons. I loved how they decided they wanted to learn and how they were dedicated to improving. As it takes courage especially for swimming when you are trusting someone else with your safety.
If you are worried, look it up ahead of time. Do research, learn the vocabulary if needed, and practice at home. Do what you need to do ahead of time to feel ready. Pageantry is not a great example of this because there is tons of practice ahead of time so when you are on stage you can do your absolute best. But when I was dancing or in karate, I would practice by myself, practicing in my room in front of a mirror. Or looking up tutorials online so I could see what I was trying to do again and again. That way when I go into the studio with other people I feel more confident.
At the pageant, I tried all kinds of new things including, salsa dancing, runway shows, karaoke, and more. In those cases I just tried my best to have fun and stay in the moment, remembering that it was most people's first time too.
Other perceptions
How often do you find yourself wondering what other people are thinking of you? To be honest I think about this way too much in my opinion. I don’t know why I am afraid that other people might be thinking badly about me. I think it is because I want to please others, but there is no sense in worrying about this.
Truthfully people are thinking about themselves most of the time. They likely are not even noticing what you may see. For example, have you ever said something and wished you had not and thought about it days later? I am sure we all have. The funny thing is the person you were talking to probably does not even remember it. If you are treating everyone with kindness, there is no reason to overthink these little things.
Another thing that has helped me worry less about what others think of me is really getting to understand myself. I know who I am, what I stand for and what my goals are. When you know this and are rooted in this you care much less about if people are judging you, as you are pursuing your passions.
Being judged Center of attention
Let's talk stage fright. This is definitely different from the last component, there are times in your life when you are legitimately being judged, think interviews, pitches, talent shows and of course pageantry.
First things first, practice. If you know you will be judged, you are doing something with high stakes PRACTICE. I practiced for months before my national pageant, dancers practice for thousands of hours. Have something to give you a practice interview or watch for feedback. Practice until you feel confident.
Second, remember everyone wants you to succeed. The judges want you to do your best, to show your best. The audience wants you to do your best. All you can do on stage is do your best.
Third, do not compare yourself to others. This is easy to say and much harder to do I know. But trust me, what someone else is doing might not be best for you. You need to be set in your practice, last minute changes are more likely for you to make mistakes.
Lastly have a backstage or before-interview routine. When I am backstage I am a bundle of nerves, most women are chatting, but I find that makes me more nervous. Backstage I focus on myself, I take deep breaths focusing on why I want to win, why I am competing, and what this means to me. Again taking deep breaths I will remind myself that I just need to do my best, that everyone wants me to do well, and that my family and friends will support me no matter what.
I really focus on centering myself. I don’t spend a lot of time doing this but it reminds me why I am there. Another thing I do is listen to music and dance. On stage music is played, so backstage we can hear it too. As my turn got closer I would dance to the music. Dance to the speed of the music and get all the good energy that I can from that song. That way when it was my turn to get on stage I was already feeling the good vibes. I match my energy and steps to that music so I can step out on stage feeling great and remembering every minute.
If you don’t have a pump-it-up playlist. I totally recommend it. Create one for the next time you have an interview, or an exam or just need extra confidence. Even if it is just one song it gives you extra energy.
Summary
Feeding the fear only gives it power. Do not let being afraid of not being good enough, of not succeeding, of other people's judgment stop you from going after what you are trying to do.
You can do whatever you put your mind to if you truly want to do it. If you fail, that is okay, you did your best, pick yourself up and try again.
For a bend in the road is not the end of the road, failure is another stepping stone to greatness. - Helen Keller.
I hope this month you try something new. You brush off people's opinions and do it for yourself. I hope you face your fear, and learn to Love It All.
Until next time
Tia Van Der Gulik
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